Why Do You Think Adoption Is A Wonderful Thing?
Many times when someone asks a question about adopting or placing their child for adoption there are a lot of answers that say how wonderful and selfless the person is.
Why do people think adoption is so great?
If you think it is great, what is your connection to adoption?
March 1st, 2010 at 11:26 AM
Who says that Adoption is Great? I personally belive it’s very sad any child is in the situation of needing a replacement parent.
That said, I feel that Adoption is ***ONE OF*** the only legal methods we have in society to provide children with a permanent growing up families. I don’t support closed records or amended Birth Cirtificates and believe that it’s not necessairy. There should be another method to provide children with legal parents during the years of childhood that do NOT require changing identy. Say, an Adoption Certificate such as a Marriage Certificate….
I believe it would be a much better world if it was finally realized that it’s just Okay to be part of a family as a child and not a piece of property requiring that History be deleted in order to provide a child with something all children should have!
What’s wrong with Parents simply saying, “I love you enough to make you part of my family–but, not completely change who you really are and pretend that you were born to me just like you were born to someone else before the record was changed.”
I am the biological mother of two children born to a father who was adopted and had his identity changed by a woman who wanted to delete history. A man who reunited with Both of his Parents who were married and had a full sibling my children met when they were in their 20′s…
and
the Mother of two of five siblings who were waiting in Foster Care for a family to help them grow up…. and would have rather had a Wedding then an Adoption Ceremony but, that isn’t possible so… we just keep the lifebooks around and pray that Mom is okay when they grow up and want to know why.
March 1st, 2010 at 11:31 AM
I think people say adoption is great because their focus is on the child coming into a new family, not what came before it. People don’t often consider the loss parts: relinquishment, abandonment, parental death, abuse, neglect, etc. that made the adoption necessary (or made it happen, if relinquishment wasn’t necessary.) If you separate one from the other, it’s easy to see the positives… it’s just not very realistic.
I do think that children who are without homes being adopted into permanent families is the desirable outcome for their particular situation. That doesn’t mean it’s the best case scenario… it would be better if they’d been able to be cared for by the people who brought them into the world. But when it’s gotten to the point where it’s no longer possible for that to happen, for those kids, adoption or guardianship is the best option. I wouldn’t call it “wonderful” because it still involves pain and loss, but the pain and loss are a given once the original family is separated, and children still need love, care, and stability.
When people say that relinquishment is wonderful, I think they either assume that any woman considering adoption is doing so because she truly couldn’t parent, or they’re taking a very shallow view only from the adoptive parents’ perspective.
When they say adoption itself is wonderful, I think they’re focusing on a child finding a new family– when asked, many will say “because there are children who need homes,” which is completely true, it just may not be those children actually getting adopted– not on what made that new family necessary.
March 1st, 2010 at 5:51 PM
“When people say that relinquishment is wonderful, I think they either assume that any woman considering adoption is doing so because she truly couldn’t parent, or they’re taking a very shallow view only from the adoptive parents’ perspective.”
I’d have to chime in what monkey said. Er, rather, agree. ^_^;
Many adoptive parents do not necessarily go so far as to make the connection between their gain = another’s loss. They just want a family, and so they see the gain. It’s perfectly understandable that they would think that way because they are the ones ultimately getting all the benefits = their child, a happy family, and perhaps giving a bio sibling another brother or sister.
Like I stated before, it is not just about the intentions of people gaining a family. It is about the impact of what their intentions had, and then realizing there are consequences.
Many do not link the connection between their new family based on the loss of the old. They just don’t see it that way because they HAVE the new family.
March 1st, 2010 at 11:53 PM
Those that think adoption is all wonderful are either ignorant or completely selfish.
For a child – and lets face it – adoption is supposed to be about the child – it means that they had to have a tragic start to life – by losing their mother, father and entire heritage. They’ve had mothers that they grew in that were either forced into a corner to relinquish – or just aren’t capable of showing the love that child needs.
That’s sad – extremely, heartbreakingly sad.
And to an adoptee – that simple but enormous fact is what cuts to the soul.
How could anyone truly say that’s a ‘wonderful’ thing??
Those that try to put a happy happy sunshine and rainbows slant to that fact -only make an adoptee’s life harder – buy not validating what feelings an adoptee may have deep deep inside.
For adoption to happen – a child has to go through some tough and sad times.
March 2nd, 2010 at 1:10 AM
I can’t honestly say I think adoption is ever a wonderful thing. I do think there are valid cases where it is necessary and preferable for a child to be raised by people other than their natural parents, ie cases of profound and continued neglect, abuse or danger.
I think many people take a simplistic view of what is a very complex institution. Many people view adoption as saving a child, or rescuing a child, even in cases where no harm whatsoever to the child exists. I think a lot of people hold the naive view that adoption is always practiced in a child’s best interests, when this just isn’t true.
Obviously I can’t truly answer for another, but this is what I feel based on what I see and hear.
March 2nd, 2010 at 7:09 AM
I would not say it is wonderful. I would say that it is sometimes necessary, and even when it is necessary, by the very nature of it being necessary, it can carry with it a lot of pain, for all involved, including the adoptive parents.
And for those who think the adoptive parents do not feel pain while they watch a child go through hell trying to heal from years of abuse, think again.
March 2nd, 2010 at 10:34 AM
Well I think that it’s always hard to give a baby up for adoption. That’s why it’s selfless, because if you aren’t ready for a child it’s so much better to let people who are ready raise it. I’m thankful my mom and family had another option than just struggling trying to raise a baby at that point in their lives when none of them were in a position to. I have terrific adoptive parents and a great relationship with my bio mom. My mom was been brave and honest enough to give me up for adoption and admit that she just couldn’t raise me and I’d be better off. If she hadn’t I know I wouldn’t have such a great life.
March 2nd, 2010 at 3:56 PM
It is the greatest thing it is an outlet for women who have made mistakes. It is a GREAT alternative to abortion. children need loving homes and there are many people who are willing to give them one. Every child is precious. We are suppose top take care of the widows and orphans the poor and the sick. This is a great aspect to humanity it goes against “evolution” when we put our differences aside to let the “weak” survive as well. Just another reason Darwin had no clue. People have souls and we need to feed our souls with love and compassion. Adoption is one of those ways. I am currently looking into adopting an older child to join my family of four and I say the more the merrier. United we stand! What is more important than family? A big family you can count on in times of need? There are lots of children out there and we as humans have a lot of love to give them. Everyone should have the right to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness that goes for every child too whether it’s in the womb in an African hut, an American foster home, or a Chinese orphanage everyone should have a home and I plan on giving a home to as many as i can.
March 2nd, 2010 at 5:56 PM
I think adoption is awsome because I am a strong person because of what ive been through and i think if i hadeint been adopted. I would not be where i am to day and things at home are not good but I know that my familiy still loves me no matter what. How do i know that? Because if they did not love me they would not have abopte dme and my Brother
March 2nd, 2010 at 6:05 PM
I don’t typically think the person is selfless. Not always, but usually a person adopts because they are infertile and cannot make a biolgical baby. Therefore, adoption is 2nd best when in reality they just want a child. That isn’t selfless.
March 2nd, 2010 at 9:24 PM
I think it’s great because it provides a loving home and a family for a child who otherwise wouldn’t have them.
I have no connection to adoption.
I realize that there are stories about families who don’t treat adopted children as they should…
March 2nd, 2010 at 11:57 PM
I think our sons adoption was “good for him”, not necessarily great. We adopted from foster care where he spent almost 5 years of waiting for his mother to finally say – I won’t quit taking drugs and follow the case plan that was given to her.
March 3rd, 2010 at 5:55 AM
only in cases of abused children, and children who NEED homes. anything else, i question the motive.
but, somehow–as evidence by some of the previous answers–providing babies for infertile couples seems to be a major reason.. yuck.
March 3rd, 2010 at 12:32 PM
Adoption is a “wonderful thing” when a child who has been placed into adoption for whatever reason, finds a permenant loving family.
March 3rd, 2010 at 12:53 PM
I’m adopted. MY adoption experience was / is wonderful
I simply cannot answer for other people
March 3rd, 2010 at 6:04 PM
ur providing a home for those in need of one
March 3rd, 2010 at 7:55 PM
well, first i don’t have a connection to adoption however i think adopting a child is a good thing. there are so many children in this world that need a loving home and if someone is willing to take care of and love an adopted child it’s a beautiful thing. as for giving children up for adoption i don’t think that is selfless, i think that it is selfish to get pregnant when you aren’t ready because you weren’t being careful, however i would rather see someone give a baby up for adoption then have an abortion or neglect the child. so giving a baby up for adoption is a better choice then the other stuff.
March 4th, 2010 at 2:44 AM
I would love to be able to give up a child than kill it. There are millions of women who would love to have children but can’t. I am very blessed with four wonderful children. If I could I would adopt. If a woman finds herself in a position that she is and can’t take care of it then give it to someone who will love that child and give it what it needs to survive this world.
March 4th, 2010 at 3:17 AM
When the birth mom doesn’t want to raise a child, then the child gets to be raised by someone who really wants to be a parent. i’d rather be raised by someone who wanted me than someone who accidently got pregnant and got me by default.
Mee-ling where do you get off speaking for adoptive parents and what they think about? Adoptive parents are not insensitive to the loss of the birth mother. Stick to whining on your blog about how awful your own life is, you spoiled little rich adopted girl.