Why Do People Have A Difficult Time Understanding Adoption And Abortion Aren’t Alternatives To Each Other?
The choice to have an abortion is a safe medical procedure chosen at an early stage in pregnancy. Adoption is a choice that can only be made AFTER the child is already born. At no one time can you use adoption as an alternative to adoption because they could never happen at the same time.
Tags: Abortion, Adoption, Alternatives, Aren't, Difficult, Each, Have, People, Time, Understanding
January 3rd, 2010 at 9:57 AM
See Kate, I think that reasoning is just semantics.
In any given pregnancy, there are three options: parenting the child, having an abortion, or placing for adoption. With the exception of a miscarriage or stillbirth, the outcome will be one of those three things.
Whether or not the decisions are made at the same time is incidental aand beside the point.
Besides, I haven’t met anyone who had an abortion because they didn’t want to be pregnant, have stretch marks, gain weight, have morning sickness, swollen ankles, etc. They had the abortion because they didn’t want to, or weren’t ready to be a PARENT.
Look at all the questions here from women considering their options. Nobody has said, “Man, I sure don’t want stretch marks, I’d better have an abortion.” Or “This morning sickness thing is real inconvenient. Better make an appointment at a clinic.”
They are considering abortion because they are faced with a crisis pregnancy and are questioning their ability and readiness to parent a child!!
Since every pregnant woman has all three options on the table for her, I can’t see how you can say they aren’t related. Adoption and abortion are both alternatives to PARENTING.
January 3rd, 2010 at 11:44 AM
I think part of it has to do with the fact that abortion and adoption aren’t direct alternatives to one another on a personal level, but at a systems level they are unlinked only in a situation where choice exists.
In the United States and Canada, abortion is legal, so the choice of carry to term versus terminate and the choice to parent versus place are separate and occur at different times. If abortion wasn’t legal, the only possible outcome in a situation where a woman couldn’t or wouldn’t parent would be adoption.
The Baby Scoop Era ending with Roe v. Wade wasn’t just a coincidence.
So I think what may possibly be getting mixed up here is that on the macro level, whether or not abortion is legal very much relates to adoption, whereas on the personal level they are separate choices.
January 3rd, 2010 at 3:57 PM
Somehow, in our culture of entitlement, some have begun to believe in a mythical ‘right to choose not to parent’. There is no such thing.
Abortion is a medical procedure and a fundamental right. A woman has the right to choose not to produce a child.
On the other hand, parents do NOT have a fundamental right to produce a child then expect someone else to raise it. Prospective parents do not have a fundamental right to expect the opportunity to raise someone else’s child. Adoption is NOT a fundamental right. A born child, however, does have the right to the care of its parents.
January 3rd, 2010 at 4:28 PM
You’re right. Adoption is definitely not an alternative to abortion. They are completely different things, and people who say if someone has an unwanted pregnancy they should do adoption and not abortion are wrong. There is a huge difference between choosing not to have a child and choosing to have a child and then give it to someone else! Abortion is not murder because a fetus is not a person. This may sound cold, but it is not fully developed and is not an aware, functioning human being. There are plenty of valid reasons for having an abortion and for not wanting to do adoption and there is absolutely nothing wrong with abortion.
January 3rd, 2010 at 5:17 PM
The only thing that links adoption and abortion together is pregnancy. And they are the other option to parenting. You can’t adopt a fetus and you can’t abort a child once it is born. During pregnancy you have the option to carry to term or abort. As after birth you have the options to parent or adopt out. And we need to be considering the father in these matters. You shouldn’t adopt out unless the father signs.
January 3rd, 2010 at 11:47 PM
Opinions are like….well, you know the rest of the saying. Everyone has an opinion and some people see it the way those questioners do and things won’t change much over time.
You could just as easily reword the question as “why do people have a difficult time understanding abortion is not murder” or “why do people have a difficult time understanding that adoption is always good”. The number of different opinions and attitudes you would get to those questions is the same you will get regarding the adoption/abortion debate.
January 4th, 2010 at 4:05 AM
But they are. You can choose to continue the pregnancy or not. By choosing an abortion, you are eliminating the choice for an adoption. By choosing an adoption, you are eliminating the choice for an abortion. You have to make the call early on for either, so they are alternatives. That’s why people have a difficult time understanding adoption and abortion aren’t alternatives to each other. Because they are.
January 4th, 2010 at 7:57 AM
You’re completely right! It’s very frustrating that people don’t understand this. The only elective way to get out of an unwanted pregnancy is abortion, where adoption removes parental responsibility from the birth mother. Adoption can be a wonderful option to those that consent to keeping a pregnancy, but saying it is an alternative to abortion is ignorant. Pregnancy isn’t a walk in the park. They are both important options, but neither should be forced as it is a very personal decision. I’m glad there are some people with some sense on Y!A.
January 4th, 2010 at 8:20 AM
they are both alternatives to the SAME THING (parenting)
you can NOT convince me they have no relation.
Adoption is certainly NOT an option that can only be MADE after birth.. it is an option that can only be FINALIZED after birth. LOTS of girls decide they want to relinquish, almost as soon as they find out they’re pregnant. Some change their mind after birth (Good for them). But it’s not like they WAIT till after birth to consider which they think they want to do (parenting or adoption)
Women CHOSE to have an abortion because they don’t want to parent or relinquish.
They consider adoption because they don’t want to (or think they can) parent or have an abortion.
Oh one more similarity
There are “buisnesses” (for lack of a better term) that convince the mother she’s doing the right thing by chosing not to parent. They lie and tell her she’ll move on, etc, etc.. but it’s a lie.. Many girls never get over making that decision.
That previous paragraph? It could be talking about adoption agencies OR abortion providers (SHOCK!!) Yes, what you anti-life people fail to realize is that abortion for MANY girls is JUST as tough and emotional of a decision as adoption is. JUST as many girls are COERCED to abort (usually by family and the father) as are coerced to relinquish.. the abortion providers LIE and tell them it’s not really a baby.. and the end result.. MANY MANY broken lives.. and girls who will never be the same emotionally..
January 4th, 2010 at 8:34 AM
” I’m atheist and I still think abortion is wrong unless there are significant circumstances (medical or rape for example) but if some whore/slut didn’t use birth control the least she could do is just give the kid away; it’s only nine months, at least the kid will have a fighting chance.”
in response to this soooo ignorant post…
i was raped and beaten by a stranger. i became pregnant being the catholic that i am. i gave birth. i was pushed into adoption. i was raped again by the system. told it was not my kid, but someone else’s. called a birth mom before i even gave birth. and numerous other methods of coercion. the rape continued.
the adopting parents promised that everything would be open. what a joke on me. i actually believed it. i was raped again by their lies. over and over. years of rape.
my child had her teeth knocked out, was abused regularly by a drunk adoptive mother, the father had another family on the side. he’s a drunk too. my child was raped of childhood. raped of being a happy adult.
so, my suggestion to you fox girl….stay out of it. adoption sucks. so does abortion. whatever choice you make, there are big,loss consequences. i can in very clear conscience say….even as a catholic, that removing a small mass of cells from my uterus would have been much kinder. even kinder still, would have been giving my child a fighting chance and never ever chosing adoption.
January 4th, 2010 at 11:38 AM
I think some people have a hard time wrapping their heads around the fact that abortion is the choice to end a pregnancy, and adoption is the choice to not parent your child.
I agree that it is a safe medical procedure, and I don’t believe it is murder. I don’t think they ruin lives.
I know that adoption has ruined my life, however. Had I been aborted, I wouldn’t even know.
Hopefully people will start to understand.
January 4th, 2010 at 4:04 PM
They are two different solutions to the same problem. I don’t really understand your point. If you get pregnant you have 3 options parent, abortion or adoption. If the mom makes her decision during pregnancy or after pregnancy is up to the mom. I am not really for pre matching but, it is up to the individual. Anyway that being said no one said they were alternatives to each other. They are simply the options you have.
Love,
Michelle
January 4th, 2010 at 5:51 PM
I understand what you are saying. I do think that some of the “god squad” adoptive parents’ agenda is to be anti-abortion to increase “supply” of babies.
But, I really can’t get past that sometimes the initial decision is NOT TO PARENT, so the choices in that ARE abortion or adoption. Here’s how my daughter’s first mother (international adoption) explained her decision making process to us. When she found out she was pregnant, there wasn’t any decision, really. She was going to have and keep her baby. Then she found out that her baby would be born with a birth defect. The decision then was that she would not parent, so she weighed the two choices of abortion and adoption. She decided to continue her pregnancy with the intent to place her baby for adoption. She contacted a social worker to be at the birth to take her baby. Her next decision was to refuse to look at her baby because she was “ashamed” of her “ugly face”. That social worker tried to get her to take responsibility for her daughter. This is all as reported by dd’s first mother. Anyway, the social worker then took our daughter to a social services agency who tried for 5 months to find a placement for her, matching her with us.
So, anyway, we’re NOT people who push pregnant women in a crisis pregnancy to place for adoption instead of abortion (I’m pro-choice), and our daughter’s birth mother wasn’t surrounded by people pushing her to make the “false” choice between abortion and adoption with the agenda of obtaining a “womb fresh infant”.
January 4th, 2010 at 7:50 PM
Because anti-choice people cannot see everything related to Abortion.
It is clear as day to most people, but for others it just keeps coming up and up and up. I am sure for some of them they like to ignite this debate to have more people NOT get an abortion, carry a child to term, then turn it over to another couple.
Usually those proponents of against abortion are willing to do little to help young mothers in poverty, which is ironic to me.
January 4th, 2010 at 9:35 PM
Try telling this to someone who is 6 months pregnant with a child with a major birth defect that the family is unwilling or unable to deal with…. Surely BOTH thought run through her mind.
But then again…… you are referring to those pregnant with “healthy, white ‘desirable’” babies right? Lets forget about those with FAS and other major health problem diagnosed inutero….
I find this so hard to swallow especially when late term abortion is so popular is the Ukraine. The babies can be born and place or parented the same day they are aborted. http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=…
The “choice” needs to start BEFORE pregnancy happens. We need to get educators to these girl and get them protection for Christ sake. Most of these “women” are still babes….
ETA- Why do those who claim they are unrealted tell girls who come here asking about adoption, to “just have an abortion, adoption hurts”. I don’t get this. They BOTH hurt.
January 5th, 2010 at 2:05 AM
You’re right. But to people who 100% do not want to keep their child they see it as only having two options: having an abortion now, or waiting to put the child up for adoption once its born. To them they kind of are alternatives, because if they are not going to keep the child those are their only choices, for the most part.
January 5th, 2010 at 8:23 AM
I think for some people it has a lot to do with religious beliefs. They believe that abortion is murder thus, if they don’t want the child, instead of committing ‘murder’ – it’s best to carry the child to term and then adopt the child out to give the child life.
Similar to the story of Moses – how his mother put him in a basket and later royalty found him, etc etc.
January 5th, 2010 at 12:17 PM
Because the so-called Christians want to promote their agenda.
I’m a Christian and I had an abortion 19 years ago. I knew even then — at the age of 21 — that I wasn’t ready to be a parent. I also knew then that there was no way I’d be able to carry a baby for nine months and then give it to someone else. The “Christians” would call me selfish. I have to disagree. I didn’t owe anyone else my baby. This is my body and it was my decision to have an abortion. I wasn’t happy about the decision and I still wish I hadn’t put myself in that position in the first place. But do I regret aborting? No. It was the right thing for me at the time. Anyone who thinks it’s “selfish” should give up a few of their own kids to those “deserving” infertile couples and then see how Pro-Life they really are.
January 5th, 2010 at 6:26 PM
“INFERTILITY” and “SAVIOR COMPLEX”
Everyone I know that has had an abortion(s) got one because they didn’t want to be “pregnant”. It has absolutely nothing to do with adoption. If abortions were not available….adoption still wouldn’t have come into the picture. They would have raised their children.
Odd but it seems like many Pro life crusaders are looking to adopt babies due to infertility nowadays. Talk about self serving agendas.
January 5th, 2010 at 10:29 PM
I suspect many people who think abortion and adoption are the same have never carried a pregnancy to term.
Ten minutes in a clinic versus nine months of bonding and health risks followed by a lifetime of worrying and wondering? Not even close.
January 6th, 2010 at 3:39 AM
that is true. abortion resolves the issue of an unwanted PREGNANCY, while adoption resolves the issue of an unwanted CHILD. if a woman doesn’t want to remain pregnant, abortion is her only alternative.
January 6th, 2010 at 5:19 AM
You’re correct. They do have a difficult time understanding, but it’s due to a mind set and not intelligence. It goes, life, abort, adopt. 1 of 3. Can’t change a mind set even with education.
January 6th, 2010 at 7:39 AM
Because, contrary to many adoptee beliefs, some women know BEFORE the kid is born if they want to keep it or not.
January 6th, 2010 at 12:52 PM
Because that would involve using their BRAINS instead of relying on an invisible sky being to to think for them
January 6th, 2010 at 4:37 PM
Go to http://www.helponthefence.com
to find answers to this
January 6th, 2010 at 9:14 PM
Because they are connected. Most people end pregnancies because they DON’T want to parent. So, logically, their other choice is adoption. Why don’t you get that?
ITS ALL ABOUT THE END RESULT: NOT HAVING TO PARENT THE CHILD.
And abortion is safe for the mother, maybe, but not the baby with the tiny body the abortionist is ripping to shreds.
January 7th, 2010 at 2:46 AM
do you mean adoption isnt an alternitive to abortion? I think some believe instead of having an abortion carry it to term and give it up, I personally have never been in a situation where id ever consider either, but I do know, neither would be easy, and my first choice would always be, have it and do whatever it took to make it work, as I did with my daughter when I was 16, im not into shovin g my beliefs down anyones throat though….
January 7th, 2010 at 7:10 AM
Yes, they ARE alternatives to each other. One is a selfish act, unless medically necessary, and the other is a gift of love and life to another family.
January 7th, 2010 at 11:22 AM
They don’t as there is the third option of parenting like I wanted to do …. shock horror
Why the thumbs down for pointing out the obvious third option? Whoops forgot I one of those nasty horrible first mothers who dare mention it.
January 7th, 2010 at 5:51 PM
that has nothing to do with it abortion is killing a child adoption is giveing someone a chance to do the motherly duety that u couldnt spareing ur childs life