Please state your position in the adoption triad (adoptive parents, 1st parent, adoptee), and how having more or less confidence would have affected your adoption decisions.
Tags: Adoption, Confidence, Does, Have, Much, With
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February 8th, 2010 at 2:17 PM
First parent – low self confidence which had no part in my adoption decision as I didn’t choose adoption I chose to parent. I was bullied and lied into surrendering which knocked my confidence even more.
February 8th, 2010 at 5:42 PM
Relationship to adoption – saw family members devastated by bad decisions to relinquish.
Personally – I have a lot of confidence. Had anyone tried to take my baby I would have given them a good old knock-the-wind-out-you kick to the gonads. Have used my confidence to thwart pernicious attempts by the adoption industry to take babies from young mothers in my extended family.
Others – The message to women who have unplanned pregnancies is that they screwed up. Adoption agencies, lawyers, and some adoptive parents just LOVE that message. They play it over and over and over again. Doesn’t do much to inspire confidence. But, that is the intention, isn’t it?
February 8th, 2010 at 6:26 PM
First Parent
Well over half of the adoption’s would never have happened if dignity and self confidence weren’t stripped from people in the first place.
The adoption industry reminds me of slavery. In slavery they could put a very large strong man down to obedience by manipulating his confidence through all sorts of means. Well the adoption industry does the same to young unwed mothers in the past and still today.
February 8th, 2010 at 6:42 PM
As an adoptee, I think confidence had everything to do with searching. I know people search for different reasons but, for me, searching came from a place of security. I had to believe that I could find answers without the truth devastating me. I had to believe in myself that it was ok to want to know, in spite of what I had been told my whole life. I also had to have the confidence to proceed in spite of the fact that my doing so might be misunderstood by people I love…ie my adoptive family. I searched from a position of strength, not inadequacy. That is why it frustrates my when people see searching as a sign of weakness or dissatisfaction. It takes a lot of guts and confidence to search.
February 8th, 2010 at 8:52 PM
I’m an international adoptee and I beliece that adoption had a lot to do with the fact that I had very little confidence in myself. There was always a little voice in my head saying “If you weren’t good enough to be kept, why are you good enough for anything else?”
I think deep down a lot of adoptees feel this way as well.
February 9th, 2010 at 1:22 AM
This question is vague to me.
For me, growing up as an adopted child, my confidence was almost nil. I think it’s akin to trying to build a house with no foundation.
That said, searching and finding–and just knowing the ANSWERS–was enough to create a nice base for my confidence (and identity) to grow.
February 9th, 2010 at 2:37 AM
I’m the adoptee, and was adopted at 7 months old, thus my confidence had bugger all to do with any of it ’cause I didn’t get to choose whether I got shipped off like some stray dog wanted to be given away like people give puppies away or not.
OTOH, getting in touch with my bfam did need an absolute boatload of confidence – and more especially turning up on my bdad’s doorstep, that took more balls than even I knew I’d got.
February 9th, 2010 at 5:09 AM
Good question. I am adoptive mom of three kids. I had confidence that I could love children not born of me. I had confidence I would be a good mom. I had confidence that the children were not as “bad” as the pscyh reports stated. I had confidence that I would never “wish” they were my “real” children.
Now, I have confidence I will always lvoe my children. I know I am a good mom, but there are days that confidence is shattered. My kids are at times pretty brutal, but I love the adventure, and have learned to look at life through their eyes, and with that I have confidence.
My eldest child, he has gone through abuse, was neglected, was in the crappiest foster home I have ever seen etc. Let’s just say my kid lived his first six years not in the best form. He is a very unique, creative and might I say flamboyant child I have ever met. The kids at school tease him about his baby voice, his youthful exuberance, he ability to love each and every creature in the world etc. The kids just rank tease him. YOu know what my son says “that’s okay, I like myself so I don’t care what you say to me”. OMG, if my child can have that kind of confidence, each and every day I will ensure I have the confidence to succeed, and ensure I take lessons from him. (well not on everything, but on this subject!)
Good question.
February 9th, 2010 at 11:17 AM
Confidence? How lacking in confidence would you have to be before someone was able to convince you that you had no right to raise your own child?
Obviously confidence was something I found much later in life.
February 9th, 2010 at 2:52 PM
Adoptive parent—the confidence level was fine—could not have improved upon it.
February 9th, 2010 at 4:57 PM
CONFIDENCE means accepting life and not Needing any person or information or genetics or heritage to complete you . Confidence means you love yourself for how you are and are raised to be and stop looking for truth outside your own upringing.