Do You Have To Have Children To Be An Expert On Parenting?
What is your opinion on this?
I notice that some of the people who hold themselves up as parenting experts aren’t actually parents themselves. For example, Gina Ford. There are also some people on Yahoo! Answers who regularly give detailed advice on subjects such as parenting and co-sleeping, but aren’t actually parents.
Do you have to be a parent to really understand these issues? Or is it possible to gain expertise through working with children alone?
February 5th, 2010 at 3:15 PM
I hold a B.S. in in child psychology, and a M.S. in counseling, I worked for six years as a preschool teacher and three years as a nanny. I thought I knew everything there was to know about babies and toddlers. But being a parent is a totally different experience. I think you must have your own children (by birth, adoption or marriage) to understand parenting. It is all too abstract until you are willing to die for that child.
However sometime a little distance is important to gain perspective – on issues like discipline and development. However, I do love the natural labor fanatics who have never felt one contraction, or the co-sleeping advice from people with nothing but peaceful, restful nights. Too conceited.
February 5th, 2010 at 4:18 PM
I think that unless you have been there and done it, you have no idea of the emotions involved etc. I don’t see how someone who doesn’t have kids can fully realise what the parents are going through. They may still have a vast knowledge though,. Sometimes it can be worth trying some of their advice.
February 5th, 2010 at 9:28 PM
Well I’ve raised my younger sister (ten years younger than myself) for a number of years on my own without a mother or father to help (since I was 14 years old) so I’m certianly not a parent but I’d like to think I’ve raised her well and always given her what she’s needed.
February 6th, 2010 at 12:12 AM
I think that yes you do have to have children of your own (or bring up an adopted child or are a step parent etc) to be classed as an expert. I think that sometimes it does take a parent to know what is best, however some people who claim to be experts and do not have children can give some good tips, but they have probably leared them from other parents!
February 6th, 2010 at 5:32 AM
Do you have to be a poet to understand poetry? If we had to BE or DO everything we understand, the world would be in chaos.
February 6th, 2010 at 9:50 AM
anyone who really cares about the child in question.
no need for the thumbs down, i just mean that to be able to know whats best for your children, you need to care implicitly about the child.
February 6th, 2010 at 3:52 PM
I am not a parent as unfortunately due to cervical cancer am unable to conceive. However, I am a stepmother to 3 children ranging from 8 to 18. I sometimes may offer limited advice, but only on things that I have had experience in. I wouldn’t dream of telling a parent how to do their job or discussing issues that I have no experience of.
February 6th, 2010 at 10:40 PM
I don’t think you have to be a parent, but it does add to one’s credibility.
OTOH there are plenty of parents who have no idea what they’re talking about.
It goes both ways.
February 6th, 2010 at 11:01 PM
no1 is a expert. but women who have children know more tham woman who dont. u can only learn from experience
February 7th, 2010 at 1:44 AM
Supernanny isn’t a parent but she is an experienced nanny which is close to the same thing. She had little kids in her charge and she had to take care of them and get them to mind. I think if you are a parenting expert, you really don’t have a lot of credibility unless you have kids of your own.
It’s like the old joke about the man who had 10 principles about raising children. By the time he had actually had children, he was reduced to a couple of suggestions.
February 7th, 2010 at 7:59 AM
i,m single with 3 kids one i brought up on my own from birth.
i don,t think that there is such a thing as a child expert.
children are full of surprises and i don,t think that you can cover every situation that arises.
but being a parent you must have more experience then people without children.
i would always take the advice of a parent over someone that is,nt or someone that works with children.
normally people that work with children only cover one Field
February 7th, 2010 at 2:48 PM
I have no children and firmly believe that there is no such thing as an expert on partenting.
You can be an expert on parenting your own child and have some ideas which may be suitable and effective on other children. But I dont believe you can be an expert on parenting regardless of if you have a child of your own or not. Every child is different and none follow any hard and fast rules.
February 7th, 2010 at 4:34 PM
A person can gain expertise having not done something but it is rather difficult to do so in parenting since it is such a complex set of events. In general people who are not parents should not attempt to give parenting advice but there are some who through being around good parents have learned more than a few things.
The problem with parental advice is you are spitting at the ocean. Children are very different depending on genetics, environment and how they’ve been raised to that point. What works with one may be an abject failure with another. Most generic advice isn’t worth the time it took to say/write it. I also have great disdain for many of the “experts” theories on parenting. I’ve seen parents following that advice wind up in deep trouble with their parenting. Often losing all control over their children. I’ve had the pleasure of raising multiple children at various stages of life under very different circumstances.
What I do seems to work. They have all been happy and well adjusted children after I’ve had a chance to get them set on a good path. Even still I have a small sampling to go on. I have my own children and step children I’ve raised as well as second hand experience watching how friends and others around me interact and raise children. There are some general concepts that seem to hold true with all children. Consistancy for example. Children want a consistant environment. They want to know what to expect and need to know where the boundries are. They WILL test those boundries from time to time. What those boundries should be however varies from child to child. That is why such high level advice is really not all that useful in practical parenting.
A huge part of my success has been to treat each child according to their needs and spend a great deal of effort keeping up with those needs and understanding them. Some are obvious like food and sleep. Children of course need to be loved. Others are far more subtle. I noticed my step son couldn’t see at a distance and that he was having headaches. So we had his vision tested and sure enough he needed glasses. This resolved some of the school problems he was having. After he started wearing glasses he remarked how could see the board now. No wonder he was struggling with some subjects. Some are much more difficult to ferret out but if you listen children will happily tell you what is going on. They just won’t do it directly. They will lay out what they think are painfully obvious clues which are not so obvious to you. It’s up to you to demonstrate the interest to dig at the right times and allow them their space at the right times. How do you teach that with a book? How do you learn that without actually doing it? More so how can you even understand such clues without knowing the specific child involved?
People are people and we truly are unique. Children are just little people. Any attempt to treat them generically just produces generic people, trouble or both. The experts seem to have lots of hard fast rules which are rarely how you treat any people. You can say thou shall not kill or steal but what about war, self defense or what if your starving? Hard fast rules sometimes just don’t make sense. Instead goal based ideals do. There are almost always many ways to a goal. Some will work with some children, with others it takes a different approach and with most you have to blend many different approaches to teach a child a lesson they truly learn and internalize.
Each parent has their own strengths and weaknesses. If you don’t acknowledge that parents themselves are unique individuals again your setting yourself up for failure. You have to play into your strengths and attempt to shore up your weaknesses. So again generic advice can often be harmful if applied with the shotgun approach. So called experts work from theory that often discards the invidivuality of those involved. They often preach concepts that have nothing to do with parenting thinking they are making a better world by embedding their political theories into young children but creating individual hells as their theories meet real life.
So the short answer is it’s possible to give good advice not having been a parent but it’s mighty difficult. Even being a parent it’s sometimes very hard to give advice to other parents if you don’t understand the dynamics and the people involved.
February 7th, 2010 at 5:28 PM
I don’t believe in Parenting Experts. There are way too many different right ways to parent. Parenting depends on parent and child and what works for them.
February 8th, 2010 at 12:18 AM
There is no such thing as an “expert on parenting”.
February 8th, 2010 at 4:48 AM
I think the reason that some non-parents make good child experts is that they can stand back emotionally from parenting problems.
As a parent it is impossible not to be emotionally involved and so you can be easily manipulated by your children or make critical decisions when you are upset or distressed.
If you love your children it is easy to be over-protective when you should be ‘letting go’ and it also easy to let children do something which they shouldn’t because you just can’t say ‘no’.
Most people have probably observed parents, either strangers in public or our friends, and thought ‘that’s just not the way to handle that situation’. It’s so different when it’s not your child having a tantrum in the supermarket.
February 8th, 2010 at 11:07 AM
I really don’t think any one is a expert when it comes to kids becasue their is such a wide range of things.
With that being said, I think that people can study children and do research on kids but……. I think you really only know how things really are by parenting..
I think issues are very different for someone that learns about a colicky baby than the parent that has lived through it.
As a parent I can tell you how my child reacted to this or that, and how I felt on this or that versues someone saying this is what a book tells me or what I learned in school.
Knowledge is good but having the experience in the department says alot more.
Just my opionion……..
February 8th, 2010 at 11:33 AM
I think that you can understand children by working with them and observing them or by being an older child in the family with siblings…either way you get different perspectives to understanding children other than what parents view. You don’t have to be a parent to be an expert but I’m sure it would help.
February 8th, 2010 at 4:02 PM
Supernanny, isn’t a Parent.
February 8th, 2010 at 6:45 PM
i think the experience helps teach most ppl alot, but there are others that take the time and learn it from other means, observing, pyschology etc, so no u dont have to have kids to be an expert.
February 8th, 2010 at 10:08 PM
I think first hand experience. I had lots of views how I would parent my child, but in the here and now things are much different. You do what works best for you, not how everyone thinks you should do things.
February 9th, 2010 at 1:05 AM
to be an expert on parenting, you obviously need to have some experience. but i dont think it has to be with your own children. i guess after working with children you just understand them better. after all, thats whats all about: understanding. even if you havent got children of your own, you can be an expert on parenting as long as you understand how children feel. hope i helped! good luck!
February 9th, 2010 at 6:49 AM
I do not think there are any true experts when it comes to parenting. It is easier to accept advice from a person whose been there, rather than some ‘expert’.
February 9th, 2010 at 8:40 AM
I have no idea how anyone without kids can possibly know wot it’s really like. Okay they may have the education and know how kids minds work but to actually live and breathe for your children and be there 24/7 is defiantley something that only another parent can truely understand
February 9th, 2010 at 9:48 AM
not necessarily, you just have to have a good understanding of them. its hard to explain, but sometimes you just know things whether you’re naturally born knowing or learn as you go along. im 18 and i dont have any children but i know so much about pregnancy and having babies, if i ever give a mum advice she assumes i have children too, and is shocked that i dont. its just my strong maternal instincts that i was born with, plus growing up helping my mum with my younger brother and sisters, and doing a course in childcare for 1 year. i taught myself a lot of it, plus some is basic common sense. im sure its much easier to understand someone when they have children because they know where they’re coming from, and its a completely different experience when you are actually a parent, but everyone has their own idea of parenting and can give advice on their opinions and knowledge too. a lot of people just adapt to children and gain knowledge by working with them, sometimes its easier to do this when you dont have children. everyone just teaches each other basically, advice from a mum to someone without children and so on.
February 9th, 2010 at 2:39 PM
People can educate themselves in any subject and just because you don’t have your own children you can have experience of them like if you work in childcare, where they experience lots of different children and situations, more than the average parent!
Saying that, I am a parent and also have the knowledge learned as a Nursery Nurse working with children aged 2-5.
I have 3 if my own and think there is nothing like common sence when it comes to children, some of the ‘new’ ideas on child rearing are a bit silly, like not using the word naughty. And that is something you just pick up as you go along, so doing it 27/7 like I did means you get invauable experience!
I think I would have the edge over someone without children.
February 9th, 2010 at 4:53 PM
I’ve always worked with children from leaving school! and was always the family’s fav babysitter as i have always loved children so i knew what to do and what was involved but until you have a child yourself i don’t think you really fully understand and mummy always know whats best for their children! i was NEVER one of those that thought i new more than the child’s parents!
don’t know about you lot but i think teachers that haven’t got children are the worst for trying to say whats what!
February 9th, 2010 at 11:20 PM
Personally, I’d take the advice of an actual parent over a child expert any day.
I think child experts do have some good advice, and know the facts about childrearing. But parents know the feelings that go along with it. For example, its all well and good to say to get your child to sleep through the night, you have to “let them cry it out”. But us actual parents know its a form of torture to have to hear your child screaming all night, so they may have some more soothing ways to go about this. Or at least ways for the parents to cope better!
February 10th, 2010 at 4:50 AM
No, one doesn’t need to have had children to be an “expert.” An understanding of human behaviour works better than considering children as foreign things that must be dealt with or even as something to consider. After all, they are human, just in different stages of development.
February 10th, 2010 at 8:15 AM
Maybe not neccessarily a parent, but you definitely need to have some sort of experience with children and young people.
I would much rather take advice from someone that had been there and done it, than someone that got their knowledge from a book.
February 10th, 2010 at 9:48 AM
I work with children and yes had loads of training.
A lot of which is commensense. But I really feel
that you have to be a parent to fully understand,
because when you do have children you have a
different view.
I personally would not take advice on someone who is not a
parent. How can they possibly know what its like when your up in the night because yr little ones’ teething or simply does not want to go to sleep?
I think a lot of people would be upset over my answer, but
there again when they become parents – they will know.
Arry2002. – You are an exception as you ARE in a parental
role. Well done to you cos its not easy is it. More so for you
cos you took on two roles. Minxy.